Have you ever seen one of those videos where someone is feeding a baby and then gives him/her a taste of lemon to see their reaction? The poor baby was expecting another bite of what he/she was eating and were fed something completely different. Their sour faced responses to the unexpected are expected and often funny. In our adult life, not so much. We may make a sour face, but don’t usually find humor in the unexpected. Oh, there are exceptions, I know. What I am referring to specifically is being blindsided. Those babies are not exactly blindsided, but you get the picture.
Being blindsided is something that has happened to me more times than I’d like to believe. I am not talking about car accidents, I am talking about people showing a side to me that I didn’t see coming. I’m talking about people I trusted that betrayed that trust. This is something I have struggled with and have a hard time understanding. In my life I have met many adversities and emotions head on and come to some level of acceptance with each of them, not with this.
The blind side is “the direction in which a person has a poor view”. Being blindsided is the “act of being unprepared or attacked from an unexpected position.” It’s not rocket science. Sadly, it’s something most of us will experience at least once in our lives.
A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know.
If a person shows you their true colors, believe them.
I have been blindsided by people I knew for a long time and by people I didn’t. They were family, friends, colleagues and lovers. The common thread is that I trusted them and had an expectation of being treated with love and respect. Expectation. There it is. I have learned that having expectations, even minor ones, often leads to disappointment. Can the disappointment be blamed on the people or does it belong to me for having the expectations? It’s not black and white to me. I understand the notion of eliminating expectations to reduce disappointment or is it the other way around? Eliminate disappointment by reducing expectations? Pretty much the same thing either way.
Everything we say and do has an inherent affect on somebody. It can happen in a passing conversation with a stranger, a deep conversation with someone we know well or in other ways, somewhere between those two. Our affect happens when and how we relate to people. Do you mean what you say and say what you mean? Do you practice the Golden Rule: doing unto others as you would have them do unto you? There is a reason it’s called the Golden Rule. We should all live by this, however, the effects of and from the people we have related to clouds the ability to do this.
Hurting people hurt people. Insecurities are often the crux of these actions. I see that, I understand that, I accept that, even when my heart has been broken. I am merciful. I don’t rest in anger, I try to understand what makes people behave/act the way they do. I know all too well the effect life’s adversities can have on our emotions; the ones we share and the ones we don’t. When you get knocked down, do you invite others to commiserate with you or do you stand up and offer your hand to others that have fallen and show them how to get back on their feet? It’s a choice.
Being blindsided is a one-sided event. You are struck and never given an explanation as to why. In my experiences, the explanations come in the form of hindsight. This is the hard part; the time that elapses from when you are struck to when you figure out the reason, is painful. I have naturally wondered what I did to cause this someone to want to hurt me. After the hindsight comes, I realize it wasn’t me at all, yet, the said relationship is permanently damaged. Trust is broken and can only be regained with boundaries, and, that is if the relationship recovers at all.
Friends, family and lovers have exited my life because of the blind side. I am not claiming perfection when it comes to any relationship. I am human, I falter, and, I like to think I take responsibility when I do. Honesty and communication are a key to all relationships. The lack of either will create disappointment. At this stage of my life, I didn’t expect to be blindsided again. I thought I was exempt because of my commitment to living by The Golden Rule. Ha! That’s like expecting a lion or a bear to not eat me because I was nice to them.
I don’t know how not to trust people or to protect myself from the blindside. Everyone I meet gets a bucket filled with my trust from day one. The only way to lose it is to betray it. Ernest Hemingway said, “The only way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” That’s a double edged sword if you ask me. I welcome the truth, no matter how hard it may be to hear. It’s better than silence or lies. Having to speculate what happened or try to figure out why someone would suddenly treat me poorly or stop talking to me altogether is not a place I like to be.
The blindsides of my life have hurt me more than anything else. Whether family, friend, colleague or lover, I was struck by a betrayal of trust that there was mutual respect because of our relationship. I forgive all as God has forgiven me for my transgressions. I pray that with each experience I am better equipped for what comes next. I pray my vision becomes more clear to see a blindside before it happens so I can move out of the way. In the meantime I am going to keep being me, doing what I do and trusting that every experience is meant to continue molding and shaping me into who I am becoming. Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character and character hope. All essential tools for life.
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships”. -Stephen R. Covey
Give the people you love honesty, respect, trust and passion or be prepared to watch from the sidelines as someone else does.
When a bird is alive, it eats ants. When the bird is dead, ants eat the bird. Time and circumstances can change at any time. Don’t devalue or hurt anyone in life. You may be powerful today, but remember, time is more powerful than you. One tree makes a million matchsticks, but only one match is needed to burn a million trees. So, be good and do good.
Think this could have been written by a lot of people…. Thank you Jill for another “insight”
Wow Jill. I have a lot to say about this. It’s too much to write out. Perhaps we can talk about it some day in person? It will get better mama, I promise!!