#TBT – The Origin of Benergy

There is a word I often say that cannot be found in the dictionary. If you knew Ben in life or after his Heavenly transition, you’d know it too. It’s Benergy. Ben meets Energy. The spirit of Ben colliding with energy and showing up in ways that will make your heart smile. Benergy can be explained, however, the first time you experience it, will be just that, an experience.

In December of 2009, for the first time, I was at Arlington National Cemetery attending Wreaths Across America. Erin, one of Ben’s friends from middle school, now lived in Arlington, VA. Erin and Ben stayed close throughout college and while Ben was in the Army, so it was no surprise that she joined me in placing a wreath on Ben’s grave. Not long before that, Ben’s personal effects, including his Chevy Pickup Truck, were returned to me. His truck was his pride and joy. Picture this: black, dark tinted windows, sharp leather interior and oversized tires. He bought it in Georgia where he was stationed, and never drove it home to Minnesota.

Erin asked me what it was like to drive Ben’s truck. I always drove it cautiously because I was afraid something would happen to it, so I only drove it a handful of times. I soon realized there was a presence inside the truck when I drove it. It was a feeling of protection and warmth, and as silly as it sounds, love. It was an energy I had never felt before. It was empowering. It didn’t take long before I was comfortable behind the wheel. All my fears had fallen away.

After explaining the truck’s new-found energy, Erin turned her head slowly with wide eyes and said, “Do you mean Ben-ergy?!”

“Yes! Oh my gosh! Benergy! How perfect!” I replied.

From that day forward, Benergy became an otherworldly feeling or experience that often defies logical explanation. I have collected a “treasure trove” of Benergy stories over the past eight years. Many of them have been witnessed, many of them have not. It may be driving to church Easter morning feeling alone and sad and suddenly a red, heart-shaped balloon floats in front of my car or arriving at the mall to replace clothes I lost in my house fire and the only car parked near me has a license plate that reads “LUVUMOM”. But my favorite story is my first experience with what became Ben’s “signature sign”. On the night of his funeral in Minnesota, as you can imagine, I came home from what was a long and emotional day. When I walked in, the purest, whitest moth I’ve ever seen caught my eye on the wall that lead down to Ben’s room. As I walked towards it, the pure white color became more apparent and beautiful. As I went to touch it gently, it spun toward the light and then followed me upstairs and landed on the wall next to my night stand. When I woke up in the morning it was still there. It had been there all night.

Benergy often happens when I need it, when I need to be reminded to see things differently. That Benergy is always present when I need strength or encouragement. Above all, Benergy provides me with a strength that allows me to tell Ben’s story without losing composure. The experiences may be different, but the feelings they bring are not. Benergy reminds us to see the world through the eyes of our heart. Benergy is a reminder that life is momentary and signifies something greater. Benergy reminds us to find joy in the little things and not lose focus on what matters most. Benergy is not just “Ben+Energy”, it’s the spirit of all we love in this life and knowing where it comes from.