I spent the last week at camp. It was a camp for children age 7-17 who have lost an immediate family member that served in the military. Of the 100 or so kids who attended, all had lost their father or stepfather, except for one uncle, one mother and one pair of siblings who have lost both their father and stepfather. Not all were Killed In Action, some died from various accidents while actively serving, some had cancer or other health issues, some were suicides. No matter the cause, all of these children have experienced the death of someone they were very close to.
With the exception of one weekend church camp with a friend, I was not a kid that attended camp. This was a new experience for me. When I was asked to be a counselor and told what kind of camp it was, it seemed like a natural fit. My role would be as emotional support to the lead counselors and to be there as a backup for crisis intervention if needed. Being a Gold Star mom and having lost a sibling when I was 15, it was a no brainer for me to say yes.
The first evening included an introduction to some of the camp songs, a glance at the week’s itinerary and an introduction to the campers and the counselors. One of the things I learned during this time is that the campers are allowed to attend for five years. After this, if they are old enough, they can train to become a counselor themselves. In fact, they are all encouraged to do so. I learned there were a handful of counselors and counselors in training, who were once campers, attending this week. I was awed by these young adults. They were introduced to this camp as a child and were influenced in such a positive manner, they came back to give back. Honestly, they are barely adults, with the oldest being 23. Even more reason to admire them, in my opinion. Seeing their energy and excitement was truly inspiring.
Imagine being 12 years old and attending camp because your father died and having such a good experience you are 100% supported to not only come back, but encouraged to pay forward what you received. Not one person is forced to do this, they all want to. This camp is doing something right and it wasn’t just my observation from night one that convinced me.
I was assigned to be the support of counselors who had the boys aged 11-13. I spent some time with them a couple evenings before bed for “reflection” time. The topic of conversation was about being “one tribe” through every circumstance. These boys came from all over the country, some were newcomers, some were not. Given their age, they had some differences and hurtful words were exchanged. I was asked to help temper their emotions. I asked them to think of their fathers and the oaths they took and creeds they lived as soldiers (generalizing here - all military branches were represented). In the heat of a battle, their focus was on having each others’ backs and functioning as a team, not as individuals. It was their duty to be stronger than their weakest link. I explained the “all for one and all for one” concept. When we were finished talking, they thanked me and said it was a “good talk”. In my eyes, that’s quite a compliment from tween-age boys.
As an opener for these talks, I asked the boys how many were new and how many had attended in the past. There were only a couple who were new. I told them that I could not tell they weren’t all friends because of the way they interacted. From what I was seeing, they seemed comfortable, like old friends. That made them think. There are a lot of camps for children of the fallen throughout the country, many of these kids have attended others. I asked the boys how this one compared. Two of them spoke and said this one was more personal, they felt like they belonged and the counselors and staff cared about them. The first thing one boy actually said was that he felt loved. Ahhhhhh. Exactly what this is about! Loving them right where they are. Made my heart happy to be a small part of that. I asked them if they would come back again and not one hesitated to say yes. I saw future counselors among them!
In a recent blog I mentioned one of my favorite quotes as of late being, “ I love when people who have been through hell walk out of the fire carrying buckets of water for those still consumed by the flames.” These kids should be the headline of that statement. They are taught at camp to see each other as having a common experience and to reach back and help those coming behind them. We need each other. We need those who have learned to walk through the flames we are just now experiencing. Meeting people where they’re at is the cornerstone of acceptance and love. Teaching the children to help each other, teaches them resilience.
At camp we had an outbreak of sickness and some of the kids had to be separated. I volunteered to stay with them. When bedtime came around, I spent some one on one time tucking each of them in. One of the boys, a brilliant nine-year old with some emotional issues, was one of the last to fall asleep. I sat at his bedside talking about whatever he wanted to get him calm for sleep. The night before we had looked at the stars through the stargazing app on my phone. I offered to take it out and look at it again as I knew it still worked through the walls of a building. He was holding a block that lit up. It was given to him at an honors ceremony we had earlier in the evening. It was glowing an orange color, like a planet. I asked him if he could name a planet, what would it be? He smiled sweetly and said, “I would name it Jill, because you are so nice to me.” My heart be still. This moment made the entire week at camp worthwhile (even after cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night!). In all my years of living, this is the second nicest thing anyone has said to me. I will share the first in a future blog.
When you make a difference in the life of a child, or anyone for that matter, you set them up for giving back. The children at camp this past week were welcomed for who they are and accepted for the experience they had no control over. I witnessed resilience in every one of them, from age 7-17. They have all kept going. They are my heroes and I know their fathers would all be proud of them, especially the campers turned counselors. They should all have planets named after them.
