“Dang girl, get up!”

Many years ago, I worked in downtown St. Paul, Minnesota. There was an inner-city kindergarten near my building. The playground was one block from the school, and I would often encounter the classes making their way to recess as I took my lunch break. The students would walk side by side holding each other’s hands. One day, there was a little boy and girl at the tail end of the group crossing the street in front of me. As they stepped off the curb, the little girl tripped and fell down. The little boy stood over her with his hands on his hips and stated very matter of factly, “Dang girl, get up!” I made sure the girl wasn’t hurt and chuckled inside at the boys authoritative order.

That story stuck with me. I often tell it when people ask me how I stay inspired and motivated. Life’s adversities may have pulled the rug out from under my feet a time or three, but I get back up and keep going. I hear that little boy’s voice in my head, envision his stance, and then imagine he’s my own son standing over me.

I was not a helicopter mom. I let Ben explore freely and didn’t overreact if he fell. I wanted him to be tough. This would be validated many times in his life, but none more so than becoming an Army Ranger less than one year after he graduated high school. I was proud of this accomplishment and added many more to my list in the years that followed. What motivated Ben, motivated me.

He joined the military out of respect and admiration for his great grandfather’s service in WWII and to avenge the innocent lives lost on 9/11. He lived life with an intense tenacity that made it impossible for anyone to call him a quitter, which fit perfectly with his future duties as a Ranger. What he overcame became my motivation; giving up his freedom to gift it to others, losing his life to gift it to strangers.

I am committed to never disrespect Ben’s memory. I do this by carefully choosing the things and the people I align myself with. It’s my turn to make him proud. I became an advocate for other families who have lost a son to active service as a Ranger. They are strangers in need, and my survival gives them hope. I facilitate annual fundraising events that support our veterans and their families. I support organ donation to help save future lives.

The challenges in my life are not that unique, I know many who have experienced great loss of some kind. Does that make it easier? No way. I like to think of my pain as a tool or a conductor to help others.  If I can lead them to see blessings and teach them to walk through the mountains that get dropped in front of us, I am going to keep doing this until the day I die.

I lost a brother, my only child, a house to a lightning strike and most recently, a nephew. When strangers learn these things about me, it’s like giving them a one-two punch! The guttural sighs, ooohs and ahhs usually precede the proverbial question, “How do you survive? How can you stand there and talk about this and not break down?” I don’t want people to view me as someone who has been dealt a lousy hand in this game of life. I could easily rattle off a list of experiences I believe are worse. I want people to view me as a human who has kept going despite getting “tripped up” here and there.

I want people to see that life is worth living EVERY SINGLE DAY, that tomorrow is promised to no one, and that making the most of each tomorrow is to honor those who didn’t wake up and get another one. We all have things in our own lives to be motivated by, no one really needs mine...but I like to believe my life helps others to see how polished and pretty life can be if we simply look at things differently.

Neale Donald Walsch said, “The best way to experience power (or anything) is to give it away. Make someone else powerful and you become twice as powerful as you were before. Make someone else loved and you become twice as loved. Make someone else feel good and you feel twice as good. It doesn't get any better than this. And it's all so simple.”
What you give, you become. Amen to that.
I am faith, I am grace, I am hope, I am a survivor, I am the motivator.