A Journey I Never Saw Coming

I am Jill Stephenson. Being Ben Kopp's mother wasn’t always a bed of roses. I learned early on that discipline and structure worked best with him (which would prove helpful in the future). In the meantime, it was pretty challenging. After figuring out each other’s boundaries, we were able to develop a strong relationship based on love and respect. I knew that letting him suffer the consequences of his choices and not judging him for those choices would instill lessons that would allow him to make better choices than I did. “He’ll thank me later,” was my thought.

As a single mother, I taught Ben everything I believed a boy should know. As I’m sure other single mothers can relate, this was significant. Ensuring the knowledge and skills were obtained without a father figure and also providing him with tools to help him become a positive member of society, was a full-time job. Little did I know, Ben would become my teacher in ways beyond my imagination and lead me on a journey I never saw coming.

My grandfather was Ben’s strongest male role model. They were buddies. We were fortunate enough to be able to spend a lot of time at my grandfather’s cabin where they could spend quality time together. Whether they were fishing, swimming boating or just hanging out, I was thankful for the priceless time Ben had with him while absorbing his wisdom. The dots began to connect when Ben was 7, as he was vividly intrigued by his great-grandfather’s service with the U.S. Army during WWII.

Ben was 13 when his great-grandfather died, and five months later 9/11 happened. With these series of events, Ben experienced a series of emotions: sorrow, anger and vindication. He took 9/11 personally. He felt that this attack was a mockery to his great-grandfather’s service with the U.S. Army. At just the beginning of his teen years, Ben declared that he would become an Army Ranger to defend his country and find those responsible for the death of thousands of innocent people.

Ben went to train with the U.S. Army one month after graduating high school. His time away from home was my first challenging moment. What I didn’t know, was it would eventually be the cornerstone in my evolution into becoming a motivational speaker. I wasn’t necessarily “worried” about Ben while he was gone, but my entire life was focused on being his mother and here I was, 38 years old, living alone and responsible for just myself.

After seven months, Ben came home. I could not be more proud upon his return. In those short seven months, he met all requirements to become an official U.S. Army Ranger. He did it. The structure and discipline I implemented in him as a child proved to be effective now. I was finally comfortable with my new found freedom of living alone and for the first time, focusing on myself.

With Ben being deployed, faith took a whole new meaning, as I truly had to trust in the unknown. I turned to faith and often used daily affirmations and encouraging words to help me through each day. I would tell myself “not to worry” and to “have faith and trust”.

Halfway through his third deployment Ben was shot by a sniper in Afghanistan, while saving six of his fellow U.S. Army Rangers. I received the phone call on July 10, 2009 with the news and that Ben was headed to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington D.C. On July 18, 2009, Ben died - every mother’s worst nightmare was now my reality. In the midst of a combination of feelings of grief, loss, and despair, my 21 year old son, continued to make me proud. Ben donated all of his organs including bone, skin and tissue. Through his donations, he saved or enhanced the lives of over 60 people.

Six weeks after Ben died I spoke to an audience of 1100 people at a National Organ Donation Convention. I received a standing ovation and many tear-filled hugs. I knew that Ben’s story was powerful; an Army Ranger saves his brothers on the battlefield and then saves strangers upon his death. He was twice a hero - in the most selfless way possible.

That speech awoke something in me that I didn’t know existed. I was able to see the hidden blessings of Ben’s sacrifice. I never imagined I would learn so much from him. His story was a gift to me. His story needed to be shared and I am the one with the voice to tell it. The adversities of life motivate me to be a better person and make the most of each day. The adversities of life connects me to others who have shared similar experiences and/or loss. The adversities of life inspire me to lead others to a path of encouragement and positivity...and I have my son, CPL Benjamin Kopp, to thank for that.